Insurance Joke

When I bought my new car, I called my insurance broker to fill out a new application. He asked me if I have any traffic accidents on my record? I replied,” no, except someone once hit me!” So he snaps, “well that’s a accident!” I snap back, “no, the guy did it on purpose!!!”

Learners Permit Joke

My 16 year old son was getting his permit, so I kept telling him, “remember, when you get into your car with friends do not start driving until everyone is strapped in.” He kept on asking me to repeat it, so finally I asked him, “ why do you need it repeated so many times?” “Don’t worry” he replied, “I just love hearing the words ‘your car’! “

Basketball Joke

As I was wheeling this guy into the operating room, I could tell he was really out of it. I asked him if he knew the day of the week. He didn’t. ” Well maybe you know what season it is?” He looked at me. “Basketball?

X - Ray Machine joke

I work in a hospital giving tours to children. One day a group of kindergarten kids came in for a tour, I showed them the x-ray machines and asked them if they ever had broke a bone? One little boy raised his hand, “I did!” “Did it hurt?” I asked. “No!” She replied. “Wow, you must be a very brave girl! Which bone did you break?” I asked. “My sisters arm!”

Broken Finger Joke

Little Jackie complained non-stop from pain. His desperate mother took him to see his doctor. “What is hurting him?” the doctor asked her. “Just help him,” she replied, “he hurts all over!” “What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific. “The women touched her son’s left knee with his index finger and her son yelled, “Ow, that hurts!”  Then she touched his right eye and again he yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too. Then she touched his nose with his finger and again he cried in pain. The doctor thought for a moment and told the poor mother her little son’s diagnosis, “he has a broken finger!”

Old man joke

As a doctor for older people I thought I had heard it all until one day a older fella walked in and told me he has big problems. So I told him not to worry about a thing, I said let me guess, “You’re having problems peeing in the morning?” “No,” he replied. ” I do it like clock work, every morning at 9 o’clock.” “OK, so it must be you’re having trouble with the bowel movements?” I questioned. ” No,” he tells me. ” I do it every morning at 9:30 like clock work.” So I said, “alright, you stumped me.” He tells me, “the problem is I sleep till 10!!!”

What if?