Saturday, September 29, 2012

True Gentlemen.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!"

Monday, September 17, 2012

Don't think of yourself as a ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Check out to get a clever shirt. Say stuff on your chest so your mouth doesn't have to. There is sure to be one for you! Great as gifts!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

A man was walking along the beach when he found an ancient bottle. When he rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. The genietold him that he would grant him three wishes but that his mother-in-law would get twice as much as he asked for.

"What's with that?" the man asked.

"That's the way it has to be", answered the genie.

So the man said "OK, give a million dollars". "Fine" says the genie. He gave the man a million dollars and the mother-in-law received 2 million also.

Seeing how this was going, the man said OK, give me a big house with a pool, tennis court, bowling alley, movie theater a Bentley in the garage, etc. The genie said "It's done" and the mother-in-law received 2 of the same.

Then the genie said " OK, that's two wishes what's the last one?"

"OK, then why don't you just beat me half to death!!

Grandma's controller

Thursday, September 6, 2012

An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners."

Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a "clunk."

He then made a left turn and again heard a "clunk."

Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem.

Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk".

Ritired folks

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."

"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

Blonde locking job

Cheap way to impress people!

You sure have!