Friday, August 31, 2012


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Meanwhile at Walmart......

Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"

The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.

She asks, "Why are you crying"?

The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Two bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -- 'Take a clean dish...'

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I can't see yellow

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.

For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas.

After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Brain Transplant

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure…very risky…but it’s the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves…”

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, “$100,000 for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask:

“Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”
Yo Momma Sooo Fat...
She Don't Eat Animal Crakers.
She Eats Animals With Crakers.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Yo Mama

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Bedside Manners Joke

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."

Cleaning the attic joke

While cleaning the attic, Joan and Harry found an old stub for some shoes they left at the repair shop 10 years ago. They thought it would be funny to go to the shop and see if the shoes were still there. So they did. They handed the stub to the repair man who took it and looked in the back. He came out again and said, "They'll be ready on Wednesday."