Hi there. This blog is a place you can come to relax and laugh a bit. New jokes are added daily and when you find one you like or dislike please feel free to make a comment and let us know if you liked or disliked that one. I just put on jokes that make me and my kids laugh. So please let us know if they make you laugh. Also have a blog at nbabeats.blogspot.com and teemeup.blogspot.com. Feel free to check them out. Remember, Seven days without laughter makes one weak!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Duncan was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!"
At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!"
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
A man was walking along the beach when he found an ancient bottle. When he rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. The genietold him that he would grant him three wishes but that his mother-in-law would get twice as much as he asked for.
"What's with that?" the man asked.
"That's the way it has to be", answered the genie.
So the man said "OK, give a million dollars". "Fine" says the genie. He gave the man a million dollars and the mother-in-law received 2 million also.
Seeing how this was going, the man said OK, give me a big house with a pool, tennis court, bowling alley, movie theater a Bentley in the garage, etc. The genie said "It's done" and the mother-in-law received 2 of the same.
Then the genie said " OK, that's two wishes what's the last one?"
"OK, then why don't you just beat me half to death!!
"What's with that?" the man asked.
"That's the way it has to be", answered the genie.
So the man said "OK, give a million dollars". "Fine" says the genie. He gave the man a million dollars and the mother-in-law received 2 million also.
Seeing how this was going, the man said OK, give me a big house with a pool, tennis court, bowling alley, movie theater a Bentley in the garage, etc. The genie said "It's done" and the mother-in-law received 2 of the same.
Then the genie said " OK, that's two wishes what's the last one?"
"OK, then why don't you just beat me half to death!!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a "clunk."
He then made a left turn and again heard a "clunk."
Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk".
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a "clunk."
He then made a left turn and again heard a "clunk."
Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk".
Ritired folks
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to
learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few
weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the
piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
MEMORY
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly
conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the
memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Monday, September 3, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.
Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.
She asks, "Why are you crying"?
The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.
Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.
She asks, "Why are you crying"?
The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
I can't see yellow
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Brain Transplant
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure…very risky…but it’s the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves…”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “$100,000 for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask:
“Why is the male brain so much more?”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure…very risky…but it’s the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves…”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “$100,000 for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask:
“Why is the male brain so much more?”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
Bedside Manners Joke
Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
Cleaning the attic joke
While cleaning the attic, Joan and Harry found an old stub for some shoes they left at the repair shop 10 years ago. They thought it would be funny to go to the shop and see if the shoes were still there. So they did. They handed the stub to the repair man who took it and looked in the back. He came out again and said, "They'll be ready on Wednesday."
Thursday, August 2, 2012
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