Dumb Blonde Crooks

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

SIMPLE YET CREATIVE

Blonde Shoots Herself

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. 

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied. 

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." 

"And then?" asked the doctor. 

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." 

"And then?" 

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Dragging your feet

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. 

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969." 

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

Blonde Joke

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. 

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. 

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." 

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. 

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." 

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. 

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'" 

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'" 

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."

Goodbye To Mother

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. 

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. 

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." 

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.