Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in.

CHEAP

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

YO MOMMA SO STUPID

Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for gas money.

YO MOMMA SO UGLY

Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind people!!!!

YO MOMMA SO FAT

Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Boy went to war (1914), left bike chained to tree.

Don't know if that is for real or not. Just found picture online. It seems feasible though. If it was chained tight the tree is still gona grow and the chain is not going anywhere. Could be photo shopped though. This is the most detailed story I could find online about it:http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/1412

Good Criminal

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.