I FORGOT

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

ROOM FULL OF REDNECKS

What do you get when you have 22 rednecks in a room?
A: A full set of teeth.

SHORT STOP

Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?
Because you have a short stop between second and third.

BRAIN FROM ME

Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

CAPTAIN

"Stewardess"
"Yes, Sir?"
"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep."
"Captain, shut up and land the plane."

IT MEANS

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language.Where did you hear it?"
"My daddy said it." he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means."
"I do, too." Jeffrey corrected."It means the car won't start."

The airbags work.

One day a man came homefrom work and he was greeted by his wife.
She told that she has good news and that she had bad news.
He said "Well, give me the good news first."
She said "The good news is that the air bag works."