Millionaire Joke

A 70-year-old millionaire got married to a 25-year-old pretty girl. His friend asked him, “How did you do that? How much did it cost you?” He replied, “Nothing, I told her I was 95!”

FUNNY

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher

25 Cent Football Joke

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game.  “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” She said.  “What do you mean?” he asked.  “Well, everyone kept yelling, “Get the quarter back!’”

Homeless Man Joke

A man walks out of a bar and sees a homeless man on the corner. And the homeless man says, “Sir, can you spare a buck?” The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks, “If I give you a buck, are you going to use it to buy a beer or vodka?” “No, he replies.” The man then asks, “If I give you a buck are you going to gamble it away?” “No, he replies.” So the man says, “Come with me and I’ll give you the buck.”  He takes the homeless man home and tells his wife , “See what happens to people who don’t drink or gamble?”

Insurance Joke

When I bought my new car, I called my insurance broker to fill out a new application. He asked me if I have any traffic accidents on my record? I replied,” no, except someone once hit me!” So he snaps, “well that’s a accident!” I snap back, “no, the guy did it on purpose!!!”

Learners Permit Joke

My 16 year old son was getting his permit, so I kept telling him, “remember, when you get into your car with friends do not start driving until everyone is strapped in.” He kept on asking me to repeat it, so finally I asked him, “ why do you need it repeated so many times?” “Don’t worry” he replied, “I just love hearing the words ‘your car’! “