Hi there. This blog is a place you can come to relax and laugh a bit. New jokes are added daily and when you find one you like or dislike please feel free to make a comment and let us know if you liked or disliked that one. I just put on jokes that make me and my kids laugh. So please let us know if they make you laugh. Also have a blog at nbabeats.blogspot.com and teemeup.blogspot.com. Feel free to check them out. Remember, Seven days without laughter makes one weak!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Blonde Joke
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Blonde Joke
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?" "Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
HAHAHA!!!
Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
BLIND MAN
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
CHEAP
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Boy went to war (1914), left bike chained to tree.
Don't know if that is for real or not. Just found picture online. It seems feasible though. If it was chained tight the tree is still gona grow and the chain is not going anywhere. Could be photo shopped though. This is the most detailed story I could find online about it:http://www
Friday, June 15, 2012
Good Criminal
Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.
BLONDE JOKE
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
Thursday, June 14, 2012
BLONDE JOKE
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!"
BLONDE JOKE
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
BLONDE JOKE
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
HEHE!
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
Friday, June 8, 2012
"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' " Everyone but Little Johnny, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Computer Joke
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
SMART KID
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying in school?" asked Larry. The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A INTERNET JUNKIE WHEN:
When asked for your address, your answer begins with http:// Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail. You chat with your fingers, not your mouth. You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released. You know the difference between Java and Javascript. Most of your friends have an @ in their names. In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP. You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-). You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program. Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
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